im not calm.
i don feel happy.
there is something pulling me back.

thats how im feeling now.
im surprised by the fact that my mood is so easily affect by things happening around me. one day i can feel so peaceful, calm and happy. the next day i can feel terrible. why can't i feel happy and calm all the time?

i know what making me feel unhappy now! i know i need to face it sooner or later and i know i need to resolve the problem. dragging will only lead to a greater problem!

I NEED TO BE MORE DETERMINE!

I CAN DO IT.

ONE MONTH!!!!
 

I'm always amaze by how small little things like a song or a scene in a show can make you feel overwhelmed by emotions.

Its a good thing. Make me feel that there is much more to life than what I perceived. =)

Its 12.50 am now!

Im still awake! Watching Solitary now! Its super nice- its a show about where 8 people go into a room and each test their own limit.

I was watching the news just now. Heard about the news whereby a 22 year old japanese man rammed a truck into a crowd of shoppers, jmped out and went on a stabbing spree in Tokyo's top electronics district today, killing at least seven people and wounding 10 others! Omg! After all the natural disasters that happened all around the world, this stupid guy who got tired of living just went into this stabbing frenzy and add on to the number of dead people in the world! What the hell! Furthermore, one of the people who got killed is just 19! Thats my age! I so can't imagaine myself dead at 19!

Enough of all these!

Today ( or should I say yesterday) is so not my day!

First, I woke up late for church. Had to take a cab to church and spent $9.80 on it where I could just spent less than $2 if I took the train. As I was late for church, I had to attend the service without EATING. If you if me well, this (not eating before a talk, service, lecture) is UNACCEPTABLE! I nearly died! After service, talked to a few uncles and aunties. Ate lunch with my Gugu.

Then, I took bus 55 ( was going to my mother's shop ). Wanted to get the deposit and cash for my auntie from my mother so I can tranfer the money for my future accomodation. I only remembered that BANKS OR WHAT SO EVER MEDIUM I NEED TO GO WHEN I TRANSFER THE MONEY IS CCCCLLLLLLOOOOOOSEEEEEE (close). =(

Went back home! My bad luck continues!

Wanted to wash my clothes since don't know when. So I decided to wash my clothes today! 

( Time passsssss.... )

Took out my clothes.... To my horror!!!!!!! My white clothes ( 3 pieces to be exact) became PINK  clothes!!!!! OMG!!! What the hell!! FUCKFUCKFUCK! 
Bleaching my clothes now! 
Lets hope they turn WHITE again! =)

Oh ya, it doesn't help that my laptop gives me troubles too!! =((

Argh!

read ^

I'm feeling much better today! Thank God! I was totally feeling emo the day before! I did some (little as compared to Timon) thinking yesterday! Not bad at all! I was thinking about how i felt about myself in the past. I used to feel bad about my presence. As i grew up and know more people, I think this feeling got stronger. Lucky for me, maybe I did too much thinking when i was little, I began to start thinking lesser as I grow up. I shall view this as a blessing. Sometimes too much of a thing might not be a good thing at all! =)

Met up with the gang on Sat. Realised there are so much things going on. I don think all these things/ problems can be solved easily.I think we really need to find a place and just sit down and talk. Maybe timon is right, it cant just always be "fun". Come to think of it we rarely talked about anything serious. In th past, I definitely won't talk about anything serious with them. But I think our group has been through alot (one year cold war and more...). I'm actually ready to be more open with them. Lets hope we can have this talk soon!

Just got back from Taiwan last night. Landed on small Singapore at 10.45pm to be precise!

Anyway I was thinking about thinking during my first few days in Taiwan. Okay, I think its quite hard to get me now. I was wondering since there are so much thing going on my life; be it things or events that happened in the past or are going to happen in the future, I need to start thinking about my life. But after trying for a few days I have no idea how to start or what to think about. I have always been like that. My mind is empty almost 90% of the times. Is it a good sign? I don know. I don like this at all. =(

Even though I'm always not thinking, I still can feel and I know that there is something missing in my life. My heart feels (abit) empty and messy!

Am I pms-ing right now?

=((

empty!